Your gone.

And its my fault. Thats what I tell myself everyday.

If I had just tried a _{little harder...}

But all those _{cruel words} tossed back and forth between us, its almost been two years!

When will this get easier?? It hurts so much and you just don't understand!

No one understands.

No ONE.

Not even your son.

Your so stupid, thinking we'd all be better off without you?

Can you see me here? Can you see me with my blood running low, my eyes burning at each painful memory, each memory that used to make me smile only makes me sick. Each memory that made me _sick makes me _angry. Your not fair.

After all that happened, after the lies and the tears you still were gone.

YOUR GONE.



Your never coming back, ^{your terrible.} Your a cheat. Your gone.

I can't help this rage, this agonizing depression, you said you'd be here forever. You told me you loved me. Where did you go? Why did you leave me alone?

You left, your gone. Your never coming back. Will I ever see you again? People say it will be alright- but do THEY know what its like to lose the one person who will always be there for you when you had no one?!

No. They can't even BEGIN TO IMAGINE.

No father. Abusive relatives, and a brother who might as well be gone now too. The glue was you, you idiot.

Now, look, we're broken. _{We're bleeding.} I'm bleeding. The first year was tough, the second year is just full of pain. I will always cherish that last kiss...

I want to remember everything about you, I want to forget you. Time makes this so much harder, it makes me feel like I'm losing you slowly, each year, each month, each day your not here is this my reality?

Its my fault. If I had just not let us end up with that petty argument, if I hadn't ignored you- would you be here? You were my super hero. Your gone. You were my whole world. You taught me, you held me, you embraced me, and you were there for me. Who knew you'd leave so suddenly?

You were the one dying, but you could have saved yourself. You could have let me help, but you didn't you gave up. Life's been killing me each day, I hate you but thats my own fault.

Its tearing me apart inside, no one understands this. No matter how hard _{I try} to explain it, no one understands. Its so hard without you here...

I'm just begging you to not leave my memory completely. Your leaving me here alone, and your not coming back.

I always wonder, do you hate me? Did you hate me? People who I confide say no, of course not. Did

THEY

know you like I did? No. They didn't They don't know the things you've done, the things I've done and the things we've done. They don't know YOU.

Can I ever say goodbye? Can I ever be ready to say that? I just have so many unanswered questions... everything hurts.

Heart being torn apart, gut doing back flips, eyes burning and stinging.

Out of all the crazy and terrible things in my life, I never suspected you to be taken away. You- of all people.

Someone I knew who loved me. Someone who I fear hates me. Its my fault. I'm alone, no one truly could ever understand even if I described every bit of detail to them.

This is frustrating, but I just need to say one last thing..

I need you to know that I cared for you always, and I will always care for you. I cant change my mistakes, but I love you. I will face these punishments, maybe I can grow stronger like you were, stronger than you were.

Even though I've tried to do the best I've got, I've tried to do good things yet they end in failure or disappointment. I'll keep trying.

But you need to know. I will scream it if I have to.



Life's not fair,

I just need to let you know I care and love you.

You NEED to KNOW this.



I love you.

I miss you.

I'll go on, without you.



Because part of me knows thats what you want. Thank you for giving me _strength and for giving me life.

And maybe someday I'll be ready to say, goodbye.